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I’m not going to deny that some women set up thirst traps for themselves (I’m all for body empowerment!). But I’m not going to deny that some women use thirst traps to attract the attention of a specific f*ckboy who didn’t respond to their text last night. Regardless of why you’re flaunting your abs, every woman and thirsty man on Instagram can appreciate the goddamn art that’s hidden behind this perfectly edited picture. You trick your buddies into being your personal photographers, you stretch your back in ways no back should be stretched, and you edit photos that make Photoshop pros look amateur.
That’s correct, Zoey. As if you weren’t aware of the massive camera stationed directly in front of your face, huh? But, to be honest, we don’t give a damn. Pretending we aren’t aware of the camera—or our detractors—is a talent in and of itself. Girl, keep looking out the window.
Remember how I said we can stretch our backs in ways that no other back should be stretched? Take a look at exhibit A. Our Euphoria gal has a slight contortion on her face. Even, glamming up this shot with some red-bottoms is a pipe dream, but a girl can dream, right?
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If you’ve spent some time on TikTok in the last year, you’ve almost certainly (nay, almost certainly) seen a Harry Potter-themed thirst trap video. That is what happened to me this morning, and I’m here to tell you about it. With thy Tom Felton arriving mid-pandemic to usher in the age of DracoTok alongside an army of lip-biting, blond-haired ‘Sexy Draco Malfoy’ look-alikes, 2020 was undeniably the year of the Draconaissance on the app. But now, dear readers, Harry Potter’s time has come to shine. Felix Lalo (@felixir_), a TikToker who bears a striking resemblance to Daniel Radcliffe, appeared on my FYP just 3 hours ago, and I couldn’t believe it. What is the reason for this? So, keep an eye on this. “Bloody hell,” as Ron Weasley famously put it.
It seems that I wasn’t the only one who was shaken by the Potter announcement. The video alone has gotten 8 million likes and 38.4 million views (!!). The comments section is just as tumultuous as you would expect. As one person put it, “FOR A FEW SECONDS, I THOUGHT YOU WERE DANIEL RADCLIFFE! “Don’t scare me like that again,” one person said, while another said, “the way my jaw dropped.” “.. If you’re still hungry, Felix’s Facebook page has a slew of other Harry Potter cosplay videos, including a silhouette challenge (with his uniform on, obviously) and a “nerd trap” video with the caption “Harry Potter can see you now.”
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I had previously written a draft of this, but I felt something was missing, and since this is obviously a philosophical subject, I decided to start over. Plus, I was completely perplexed after looking at so many pictures of Traps that I had lost all sense of gender identification.
It’s time to discuss the world’s most perplexing and utterly rhetorical query, one that has left even the most eminent internet-scientists scratching their heads in befuddlement: ARE. TRAPS. GAY. AHEM! That aside, a trap is someone who has the appearance of the opposite gender and is convincing enough to fool someone into believing they are the opposite gender. They’d be referred to as “fishy” in Drag, implying that the traps are being investigated to determine their true gender.
I hope this is enough to satisfy your everyday trap needs because I’m about to pass out from fatigue after learning the true gender of the traps, so let’s move on before I pass out and start questioning my own nature.